in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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