You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
