it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
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This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
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We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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