He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
