I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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