I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
