She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
This is classic penis vs brain.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
