How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
