there's paper in my vomit.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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