Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
