weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
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