Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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