I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
