I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
