it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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