I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
