1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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