True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
