'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
