I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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