lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
