I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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