I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
