guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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