you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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