hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
