Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
