Umm I'm too high to move.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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