I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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