Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
