i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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