grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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