I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
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Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
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I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm too high and old for this...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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