Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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