i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
