I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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