I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Is Oprah even human
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
