i would punch a child for taco bell
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
