Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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