It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
