I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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