today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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