I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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