but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
