woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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