big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't want my vagina anymore.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
