i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
