how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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