The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize