Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
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I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
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And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize