FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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