Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
