You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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