After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
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