I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
