I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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