maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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