Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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