I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
