Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
