He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
