yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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