I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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