I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
