I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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