Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
