it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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