I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
