so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
