Yo dont text me then not text me
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
