guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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